“I thought we were just foolin’ around. It wasn’t until I saw you with Sam that I realized what I’d lost.”I kissed her hair. “You’ll always be my best friend.”“I like foolin’ around with you, but I really like Joe.”“And ... I think I’m gay.” Saying it out loud made it real. Sam always knew for herself, but it had taken me a little time to work it out. I liked guys well enough. It’s just that I liked the way being with Sam and Bee made me feel.“So Mark’s got no hope?” Bethany asked me and I shook my head. “He’s been holding out hope you’d give him another chance. I thought he’d blown it when you and Simon were hugging.”“No, Simon is a great guy, but we both loved Sam. If we started anything, it would end up more about her than us.”“Mark’s gonna be heartbroken.”I shrugged. “In a way, I owe him. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to figure out if he hadn’t dumped me to go after Lydia.”We finished getting ready and grabbed some towels, both of us lost in thought. I locked up the. ."I interrupt. "It's just his job. It's what he does. One month on, two weeks back. It's a routine. I'm used to it." I guess my one time lover knew that I wasn't. To make matters worse, next time he is going to be gone for almost three months. I'm not looking forward to that except that it will give me some more time to think about what I want from our relationship, and whether I stand any chance of getting it. "I'll be in. I need to talk to you about my work. I'm not sure which way I should be going." Of course. Just drop by. I'll be happy to give you some direction."I put the phone down, remembering the insidious way in which Dawney had pushed our power games and thinking, "I'll bet you will." I gather up my papers and push them into the old, green, canvas shoulder bag I use. Last of all, I collect up the bundle of fetish magazines that I'd been working through. Once upon a time, they would just have been fun but, while the content still gives me a thrill, this time the purpose of.
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